Open Call: Rough Cuts

Be careful of 'voice of god' narration that sounds didactic. The lack of diagetic sound from the b-roll creates a reflective space that could be potentially interesting but its a bold stylistic choice and has to work in favor of the story. Its not clear which position you are taking in relation to these Green Collar Jobs. The tone suggests that you think that were are being misguided by the politicians. I wasn't sure whether to feel like GCJ were a good or bad thing. I think you need to clarify your position and how you want to communicate it before making narrative stylistic choices. The visuals were stunning. You should continue to experiment with sound design. Stick with it!

Camille, POV

Mikasnook's dead on here. What you've got so far could probably be compressed into the first minute so that we could then dive into something else, such as the story of a green collar worker, a politician who understands green collar jobs. Or maybe start with people on the street unsure of what a green collar job is, move into defining it, and then telling us why they matter. Right now the arc is that you set up that candidates talk about green energy and then explain what green collar jobs are, what I'd like to see is why green collar jobs matter and how they're going to change our future.

You've got some great shots here and I think you could easily re-frame them around a slightly differently constructed narrative. Right now I've been informed, now I want to know why these jobs matter to me, the voter, or even to the candidates.

I'd love to see a more passionate narration -- do you have any acting friends who might want to try out voice work?

On the whole I think you've got good material here and a good subject, but I think it needs to be re-tooled a bit to get more energy and forward motion.

Hey John

Great theme - I like the view point (fresh idea) and agree with the statement.

I also agree that the narrative needs work. Content-wise: Perhaps include an interview with a current Green Collar worker. We only see and hear clips supporting your view that the Senators acknowledge these Green Collar Jobs but do not elaborate or educate their audience about what exactly those jobs entail.

It would also be interesting to hear what the average citizen thinks a Green Collar Job is. This would help support your view that the Senators do not elaborate beyond their statements.

The voice over is a little too quiet, especially compared to the audio clips. I also feel the silence between the voice overs loses momentum for me...I want to hear more going on while seeing the clips in order to keep me focused.

I hope this is helpful. Again, I really like your idea and wish you luck on finishing it up!

this project, as presented, needs work. you've taken a potentially timely topic and diminished it to an industrial commercial -- still under development. dry. mostly reliant on stock footage/images. where is "YOUR" vision -- direction -- filmmaking?

stick with it.

Hey Dave, thanks for the comment and input. Do you mean lacking narrative while the different jobs are playing or do you mean at a point before that? Thanks again,
John

Good start but lacking narrative in a huge way.